Drinking or Stinking!

Drinking or Stinking! by Perry Estelle

I have a few minutes to flag up a very interesting dilemma with the whole ‘Booze for Breakfast’ morning after, gig.

You went out the night before and you wake up like a monkey slept in your mouth. Your breath could melt the tyre off a car. Your teeth itch. Your brain is disconnected from your body. You are breaking that brain in, for a complete stranger. You have the agility and dexterity of a 3 toed sloth after being hit by a truck.

You have to sober up in double time, and stop that jackhammer totally pulverising your temples.

How do you get straight? Have a hair of the dog? Huge English with all the trimmings?…If you can keep it down?

Let’s look at the good old all familiar hangover and study ‘cures’ to stop the symptoms of torture, you are experiencing.

And So It Goes…

You wake up in the middle of the carpet that is like 911, before the clear up. Your tongue as a cactus on it and is dangling in the debris of an overfull ashtray. You wish you had never been born. You squint outside the window and there is strange bicycle parked in a hedge. Your phone rings and you fumble for it and silence it, through eyelids stuck together. The light hits them, when prised open like a nuclear flash…there is a wine-soaked scribbled note on the coffee table…your wife/partner/has told you your dinner is in the cat and off to the Citizens Advice Bureau…you stumble to the kitchen and root through the plethora of medication to try….your hands shake like…you scramble through your texts and find your mates autopsy on the evening before..”well done, that’s another pub we can’t go to that pub anymore, GET HELP!!” or “you muppet, what possessed you to strip and dance on the table?”…another pops up on with you in compromising image of you groping an old aged pensioner, you run to the toilet, and throw up, but don’t quite make it.. and start to wish you were not born… taking comfort that you might die anyway…..

Not anymore! You don’t have be stuck with the Mother and Father of all hangovers. I scoured the Internet for inspiration from the misery..

I found ‘nothing I haven’t tried before.. with a difference’ so read the sobering up, hard hooch hell ‘hints’, off the web. But hey, ho, nothing ventured nothing gained when you have been banned from every local cabbie service, eh? My favourite is the sauna tip. Mainly, because sports people, like Jockeys and Boxers, get the ‘toxins’ out quick, like, injuries disappear, black eyes diminish, and if you get busted up before you enter the sauna the demon drink is exorcised after you leave! Warning: Lesson learned…! (well, maybe until next time!)

Get rid of that bass drum behind your eyes, now!

Cure Number 1 – The Hair of the Dog.

OK so this is probably not the best way to cure the hangover. The last thing anyone wants to do after a severely heavy night on the town is to go back down the pub. This technique is simply a way of postponing the horror of the hangover by topping up the levels of alcohol already floating about in your bloodstream. This method is commonly used among students and younger drinkers who love to live the party lifestyle but beware it only postpones the inevitable.

Cure Number 2 – Re-hydration

This is a common mistake made among most people. Making sure to take on as much water as possible is one of the best ways to avoid a hangover. Around about 200ml of water per 30ml of alcohol is a good rule of thumb. Usually most people are either too tired or too drunk after their night of drinking and simply collapse when they get home. So make sure you drink lots of water before you go to bed. It may mean several trips to the toilet in the night but believe me its worth it.

Sports drinks are also a good idea. The taste might not always be any good but try and consume as much Lucozade, Powerade and any other “ade” you can find.

Cure Number 3 – Food

If you’ve got a steaming hangover get over to your local café and order a huge big fry-up.

Protein is a good source of amino acids and a good hearty breakfast has loads, so you’ll soon be on the road to recovery.

Actually food is a good idea all round – before, during and immediately after drinking. Food doesn’t absorb alcohol, but it does increase metabolism, activates alcohol absorption, and increases the speed with which the body processes alcohol.

You may not be able to keep any food down but as much as it might not feel like it it is helping.

Cure Number 4 – Lots of Rest

Going back to bed is an effective way to help your body regenerate and recover. The reason I say “go back” to bed is because simply staying in bed all day is not a good idea (unless you have found some poor mug to cater for your ever need). Make sure you get up, have something to eat and drink, maybe even have a shower to freshen yourself up. Only then should you consider going back to bed. Wouldn’t you much rather be asleep for the pounding headache and the upset stomach?

Cure Number 5 – Don’t drink so much in the first place!

I know it seems obvious but its true. Try and think about moderating the amount you drink during the night. Don’t be conned by your mates or crack under peer pressure to have that “one more” shot or that “swift pint” before you go home. Make sure you no when you’ve had enough.

Cure Number 6 – Fresh Air and maybe some exercise.

The second last thing you probably want to do is to crawl out from under your duvet and brave the sunlight. The last thing however would be to do any exercise. However this is good for you as it speeds up your metabolic rate and processes the alcohol quicker. It doesn’t have to be anything too strenuous just a simple walk around the block would be fine.

Cure Number 7 – Headache Pills

Some people swear by the notion that taking headache tablets before you go to bed is a great way to prevent a hangover or at least reduce the pain. Wrong! A better idea is to take a couple of headache tablets, preferably ibuprofen based ones, in the morning followed by a big glass of water then head straight back to bed. At least his way your head won’t feel as thought there is a Frenchman living in it.

Cure Number 8 – Don’t mix your drinks.

A good way to make sure that the hangover from hell doesn’t come and invade your skull is to stick to one type of drink. Drinking spirits, lagers, shots and anything else you may get your hands on is not a great idea. Its not big and its not clever.

Cure Number 9 – Banana’s

Bananas have sugar in the form of fructose, they also have potassium, which is one of the things you lose a lot of when you’ve been out getting hammered. Bananas are also a natural antacid which helps with the nausea, and are high in magnesium which can help relax those pounding blood vessels causing that hangover headache.

Cure Number 10 – Tomato’s

Tomatoes are full of antioxidants and vitamins and they’re healthy so get munching. If you don’t like eating tomatoes, drink them in a Bloody Mary. You’ll feel better in about 15 minutes.

Bloody Mary

-1.5 oz vodka

-Dash of lemon (or lime) juice

-Worcestershire sauce

-2 or 3 drops Tabasco sauce

-Pepper, salt and celery salt

-5 oz tomato juice

-Serve in a tall glass over ice

If the idea of more alcohol turns your stomach why not try making a Virgin Mary, it’s exactly the same recipe except without the Vodka.

Special Tip Number 11 – The Sauna.

This is a potentially dangerous method of recovery and will involve you having to set some sort of world record for the most glasses of water drunk consecutively. If you and a few friends take a trip down to the local sauna then stay in there for around 10mins (No Longer!) then you will sweat out all the toxins in your body. However you will have to drink as much water as you possibly can because you will obviously be dehydrated to begin with. Beware because there are some nasty side effects of you spending time in this sweaty environment. The place will smell of pure alcohol and sweat and it will not be pleasant.

This is about all the advice I can offer you except for good luck and happy drinking.

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Enjoy alcohol with a little restraint … is probably the best way to go! (says, the teapot to the kettle!)